Some Shit I’ve Heard Lately

These are all exact quotes.

“I wouldn’t have done it, but my daughter screams and screams until my sister sings to her.”

“The officer was just pissed, so he gave me a ticket.”

“What do you mean I have to get my license before you’ll reduce the fine?”

“What you mean I’m not eligible? I’ve only had my license suspended five times.”

“What you mean I can’t go to traffic school? I went to my DUI classes.”

“Buck inserted her fingers inside Molly’s rear end. Even that didn’t get her to release.”